I am spending my Thanksgiving in New Jersey with my family. And when I say "family," I mean not just my parents and siblings but also my aunts, uncles, cousins, their cousins, their aunts/uncles, etc. It's a big crowd and a lot of personalities. Conversations can result in everyone ganging up on one person for some good-natured ribbing or just because of groupthink disagreement.
It's easy for that one person to back down from his/her fight or be intimidated by the ridicule. But there are just some times when it's worth it to not give in. For me, my cousins' derogatory comments helped me discover my spine.
"That's so gay."
How many times do you hear that phrase (or a similar one) on any given day? Do people around you say it? Do you yourself use it?
My cousins toss around that phrase as if "gay" were a synonym for "stupid." It's a part of their colloquial vocabulary, as common a phrase as "That's so cool" or "That's what she said." They - and so many people - think nothing of it. Every time they say it (I'm not counting but it has been at least 15 times in the past 2 days...though a few were probably just to get a rise out of me), I stop and question them. They don't understand how that epithet could possibly be insulting - or they just don't seem to care. One of them, who is in the National Guard and just recently returned from Basic Training, even justified it by claiming, "It's how military people talk." (I don't buy that.)
The response I receive from people when I stop them and let them know that I don't appreciate the use of that term in that way has ranged from "You can't say that in front of Suchita" and "Such would be angry if she heard that" to "Yeah whatever, I'll say what I want" and "We don't have time for your personal vendetta."
This may be just my "personal vendetta" right now. And I may be failing at getting my cousins to rethink their statements and realize the derogatory nature of that phrase. But I like to think that I'm not the only one out there who has this same vendetta. Hopefully more of us are discovering our spines, as I did today.
Now that's a thought as you break that wishbone.... Happy Thanksgiving.
It's easy for that one person to back down from his/her fight or be intimidated by the ridicule. But there are just some times when it's worth it to not give in. For me, my cousins' derogatory comments helped me discover my spine.
"That's so gay."
How many times do you hear that phrase (or a similar one) on any given day? Do people around you say it? Do you yourself use it?
My cousins toss around that phrase as if "gay" were a synonym for "stupid." It's a part of their colloquial vocabulary, as common a phrase as "That's so cool" or "That's what she said." They - and so many people - think nothing of it. Every time they say it (I'm not counting but it has been at least 15 times in the past 2 days...though a few were probably just to get a rise out of me), I stop and question them. They don't understand how that epithet could possibly be insulting - or they just don't seem to care. One of them, who is in the National Guard and just recently returned from Basic Training, even justified it by claiming, "It's how military people talk." (I don't buy that.)
The response I receive from people when I stop them and let them know that I don't appreciate the use of that term in that way has ranged from "You can't say that in front of Suchita" and "Such would be angry if she heard that" to "Yeah whatever, I'll say what I want" and "We don't have time for your personal vendetta."
This may be just my "personal vendetta" right now. And I may be failing at getting my cousins to rethink their statements and realize the derogatory nature of that phrase. But I like to think that I'm not the only one out there who has this same vendetta. Hopefully more of us are discovering our spines, as I did today.
Now that's a thought as you break that wishbone.... Happy Thanksgiving.
Labels: LGBT
6 Comments:
There goes Suchita and the PC police again... stupid first amendment...
What about using "gay" ironically? There is a large amount of literature out there on the use of irony, breaking down discursive barriers. The comedic value of "SUCH THIS IS SOOOO GAYYYYYYYY" helps to illuminate the misuse and impacts associated with the word.
I'm all for irony. Irony for all!
So, CB, should I sarcastically point out the irony between your comment and the fact that you were almost Ally of the Year?
Critical Badger highlights the use of this term “gay” or “ghey” (how it is frequently used on the internet) where it might be productive i.e. when it is humorous (I completely agree with him, one should rarely, if ever, be PC when it comes to humor). Outside of the humor value though I don't see how using "gay" as a synonym for lame or stupid is any different than something like “Nig-nog” (an insult in the UK that once meant someone who is a fool or someone who is black) or all the various synonyms of stupidity for "nigger" in the US (that have very unfortunately existed at one time or another). Thus, making the term extremely negative and unproductive in pretty much any context that is not humorous (and so deserving strong condemnation).
Your remarks seem completely acceptable though Suchita, since from your account the use of "gay" (as a synonym for lame or stupid) by your cousins seems to have become far more common than just jokes or irony. Of course we should rarely (if ever) legally deny anyone the right to say a slur in casual conversation, no matter how bad it is, but that doesn't mean we can't point out how what someone is saying is not a productive use of language. The first amendment should and does not deny us the right to respond with verbal negativity to verbal negativity (and using gay in the above context beyond just humor is solely negative, there is not much of a reason to say it in this context since there are lots of alternative synonyms available, and it does create a chill effect and desensitization effect).
In conclusion, you will do the right thing on this topic as long as you stay away from PCing humor or a person's legal right to be an asshat in how they use slurs. You can convince them not to say “gay” in the above context, using logical and emotional anecdotes, but you can’t force them. We don't live in a tolerance dictatorship as much as some people in Madison sometimes would like it, nor should we, since that would create a chill effect probably far worse than this usage of “gay”. Plus, it would probably create a Kristallnacht like “tolerance riot” every time someone tells a non-PC joke (oh the irony of intolerant tolerance).
I'm going to hesitantly agree with what's been said here - when used for comedic effect, in full knowledge that what you're doing is not PC, then things like "OMGWTFBBQ you have t3h GHEY" can be amusing.
There's a difference - a marked difference - between that and high school kids (my brother included) just saying "that's so gay". I put my foot down - he and his friends aren't allowed to use "gay" as a synonym for "stupid" in a non-ironic sense. He responded well, though; when we were little, everything was "retarded", but my mother wouldn't let us say that, because she worked with adults with developmental disabilities. "Retard" was never in my vocabulary (except ironically).
There's a difference between exercising your first amendment rights, CB, and saying things that are hurtful to other people. We've got plenty of first amendment rights, but we also have plenty of libel cases in our civil courts. Freedom of speech is a right insofar as it does not infringe on the inalienable rights of other people to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
*sigh* I am going to post some of the great academic literature produced on irony sometime. I promise you, this is a pretty sweet argument.
However, Hobbes said: "There's a difference between exercising your first amendment rights, CB, and saying things that are hurtful to other people."
That's the entire point of the Amendment. Unless it's calling for harm, no one would seriously be able to constitutionally challenge "gay". The real solution: eradicate the homophobia in society which perpetuates the use, not restricting speech, which only produces cognitive reactance (basically, you get pissed and want to use it more) according to some pretty good communication studies from here at UW and Ohio State.
There is quite a large can of worms to be open when we want to regulate what speech is "hurtful" to other people. Especially soliders. It's hurtful when you talk against the war. Invade.
Flip the argument around 180* and you're justifying quite a bit...
Also, it's clear that Suchita did not understand my first post ... at all.
First, sarcasm is NOT irony.
Second, to understand irony is to break down the discursive implication in an effort to delegitimize its use and highlight the discriminatory intent.
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